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So, how did you do?
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I was asked the other day what was the worst thing about changing churches and I really didn't know how to answer that. Changing churches can be hard ... especially if you are rooted in your church. If you are very active in ministry and then you go to not being active in ministry, that can be a weird change. Finding yourself out of the loop ... not knowing what is going on with the people you care about ... is definitely hard.
So much of it can be difficult.
But, what I have found harder than losing my pastor and his wife ... even being gossiped and lied about ... honestly, is being treated like some kind of apostate because we left. Not many people have acted that way but some have. I mean, you really do find out who your true friends are when you change churches. It is almost like leaving a cult and being shunned by some people. They act like you have left the faith, not just that particular church.
It can definitely be weird.
One woman, who I thought was a good friend of mine, can barely smile at me anymore. She used to always smile at me and hug me whenever she saw me. Not anymore. She acts totally different with me and my husband now. Another woman acts like I personally did something to her. Our relationship is totally changed. And there is another, who I thought I was really close to ... but we barely speak and we used to talk all the time.
I guess some people just take it personally when you choose not to attend a specific church anymore. I don't know why. Maybe they feel it reflects on them because they still attend there. Maybe they feel betrayed somehow. I have no clue.
Regardless, it is a good lesson in friendship and you learn to really appreciate the people who love you and are kind to you. You also learn what it means to just let go and pray for people. In the end, it really is all you can do.
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Yesterday at the church we have been attending, there was a reception to honor one of the lead pastor's. He had read his resignation letter weeks earlier. Having been in ministry for the past 47 years, he felt it was time to go into semi-retirement. He wanted to be able to spend time at his farm. He wanted to have the opportunity to go and preach at the smaller churches that had given him his start.
During the service he made the following statement and I had to write it down:
"The church is just as responsible for what the preacher becomes as the preacher is for what the church becomes."
And, all I have been able to think about since is what does that say for my home church? Our pastor struggled for eight years to lead our church and he met great opposition at times. It didn't matter what he wanted to do ... someone had to complain. There was always someone who was unhappy. There was always someone willing to tell everyone who would listen how they would have done it different or why it shouldn't have been done at all.
When our pastor went on sabbatical, after eight years without a real break, our church was fine. It was fully functional, fully operational ... just as it should be. The biggest problem we faced was the fact that other people had to step up and take on pastor's load. They had to visit the sick, go to the funerals, prepare for services, and make the trips to Sam's and Wal-Mart. They had to be prepared to listen to the needs of the congregation ... and their complaints.
What they felt was perfectly acceptable to place on his shoulders alone, they could not do with it divided between them. They were overwhelmed. They complained. Their spirits became strained.
After about five weeks they asked for his resignation and as much as it hurt him, he gave it. He packed up his wife and moved closer to his children and took an indefinite leave from the ministry.
If the church is just as responsible for what becomes of the preacher as the preacher is for what becomes of the church ... what responsibility do we have in overloading our pastor so much, and hurting him so bad, that he would rather leave ministry indefinitely than even consider taking on another church?
We have all the responsibility.
Instead of having cooperative spirits, we fussed. Instead of focusing on the positive, we spoke of the negative. Instead of it being about Christ, it became about us. Instead of honoring our pastor and serving him, we overloaded him and showed little regard for him. Instead of being there for him the same way he was for us, we showed him the door.
I guess that is why I have such a heart for our pastors out there. Serving under my pastor has taught me so much about the struggles and trials that a pastor can face. You see upfront what they have to go through at times and how difficult people can be.
You also see how their job is a 24/7 position. You just have to remember though that everyone needs a break at times.
And, if you want to know some ways to protect your pastor, check out this post from Kevin Martineau. I read it shortly after what happened with our pastor. I wish our whole congregation had read it years before. Maybe things would have turned out differently.
As I stated in my last post, we have been dealing with some gossip. I guess it was our naiveté, but we really just thought that we would quietly slip away from our church and that it would be no big deal. We were wrong.
So, we did a little research. We sought the counsel of friends in leadership positions and basically asked them ... how do you properly leave a church? Obviously we have not done this the right way and we want to know what we should do or what we should have done. Everyone, but one, agreed that we should not have "just left" and that doing so contributed to the gossip issue. It put people in a position to speculate as to why we left. They suggested that we either write a letter or have a meeting and apologize for not having addressed our absence earlier, then explain why we were leaving. They said the church had a right to know but that we should keep it as factual as possible and let the main thing be the main thing.
We sat down together and talked about that for a little bit and then I drafted the letter from my husband. His writing is horrible and so is his sentence structure, so he wanted me to type it and "clean it up". Once it was completed it, we reviewed it and I dropped it at church the next day. We both felt really good about it too.
A week later, the new pastor of the church called me to say he got my letter and that him and his wife wanted to have a meeting at a mutual friends house. He said that he thought he could help me with this and wanted to know if my husband and I would agree to a meeting. I wasn't really sure how he could help "me" since "we" had made peace with it all, but I agreed.
We really didn't understand why he wanted a meeting. We knew he wasn't going to apologize for the things he said to me or even what he did. We didn't ask for a meeting or imply in our letter that one would be beneficial either. We knew that there was really nothing he could say that would make us want to stay and we weren't looking for him to change our minds. But, we both figured that it couldn't hurt to meet and that maybe something productive could come from it.
That meeting was last night.
Considering some of the things we had heard since leaving, we knew he had already said a few things that weren't really true so we really weren't surprised when he wasn't exactly honest with some of the things he said. We were very nice about it, but we did address him on those things. I was actually quite proud of us for handling it as well as we did. I think we kind of surprised ourselves there, but we really did want to make sure that anything we said was in love and that we glorified Christ above all else.
I think the two biggest things we got out of it was confirmation that we had made the right choice, regardless of how painful it was for us and that God always knows what He is doing even when I am wondering why things are happening the way they are. I still love that church and the people in it. I poured my heart into it and I learned to serve the Lord there. It will always have a special place in my heart ...
But, now it is time to set off on a new adventure and find the place where God wants to use us now. I don't know if it will be at the church we are attending or if it will be at another. It may just be with W.A.R. and what God is doing there. I don't know yet. I do know this though ... God wouldn't have had us go through this if He didn't have something else for us. Of that I am certain.
Well after deciding that we needed to find another church, we took a few weeks off from church. I think we just really needed some downtime. The transition from our home church has been a little rocky. We tried to quietly slip away and not be real vocal about leaving ... or even why we were leaving. Unfortunately, it has not worked out the way we thought it would. There are always people out there that want to make everything a big drama and I am just not a drama person.
So, we took a few weeks to chill and work on home. I have really enjoyed it too! I definitely needed a break. I have been involved in so many different ministries for so long now that I was literally at church six days out of a week, most weeks. I never had time for myself or the things I love. It was all about church ... all the time. I took my responsibilities very seriously and I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I worked hard to make sure that everything was as it should be.
Now I am back to reading and studying again. I am enjoying working on my yard and getting some things done around the house that have been neglected for far too long. Plus, I have been able to spend some real quality time with the baby and I have really enjoyed that. She is so much fun and such a hoot!
I have so enjoyed not having to deal with church politics ... even if I have had to still deal with the gossip. But, I have worked hard to not get caught up in it and not let it get me down. That in and of itself is a major achievement, especially when so much of it has targeted me.
Anyways, we decided last Sunday to visit another church. We have had a number of friends try to get us to come for awhile now but we never did. We have always been very faithful to our church and rarely ever visited another one. I am so glad we picked this church though! I really, really enjoyed it. The preaching was sound biblically and the worship was really good. We both enjoyed it.
And going really made me realize how much I miss church and good preaching! I always loved our pastor's preaching. He could always get and keep my attention and I miss being fed like that. I love hearing the Word of God preached and I really love hearing it preached well.
So we are going back. I think we will still check out a few other churches, but I am definitely liking this church. We will see how it goes and where God leads. :)
Now we begin the process of finding a new church home. Prayers are greatly appreciated!
Related Post: And Then Everything Changes
Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp comes out of the closet, still claims to be a Christian to Christianity Today, but says in another interview that she gets a lot more winks from women at her concerts now and that "Anyone who has a decade of celibacy has 'complete loser' written on their back."
Wow.
Update - 04/27/2010: And, it just gets worse.
Trish has a new handbag up for grabs this month. It is homemade and full of tracts so don't miss out on your chance to win. The purse is really gorgeous!
It just really sucks when you preach a different gospel and then get called on it. But, I guess it makes it easier to bear if you just blame those who want nothing to do with your heresies than it is to actually face that you are a heretic in need of repentance ...
Michael Spencer, fellow Kentuckian and Christian Blogger, best known as the Internet Monk, has passed away.
I have read Michael for years. He will be missed.
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