Church was so good yesterday! It started out kind of frustrating. We arrived to find that someone had broken through the glass of one of our main doors. It didn't appear that they had taken anything, but it was sad that someone felt the need to do such a thing. Then I got flustered during service and messed up a few of the song screens. I recovered quickly, but once I start messing up it just seems to escalate.
Things picked up though once Pastor started preaching. He preached on the return of Christ and how we should be expectant of His return ... just as the disciples were. That really touched me and answered something for me. I know you will probably think this sounds crazy ... but lately I have been expectant in my spirit. I feel it ... like an urgency that I cannot explain. I didn't even realize what it was until Pastor talked about it during our AM service.
I feel such an urgent need to read my Bible and learn more and more and more. I have also been really searching my own heart making sure that I am right with God ... desiring to align myself more perfectly with His will. There has been times of late that I have felt like I have been so busy working for the Lord that I haven't been having a relationship with Him. I spend far too much time on this computer and not enough in my Bible. I have a few studies that I really need to devote myself to as well.
But ... it is still more than that. With this expectancy, I feel such a heartache for my children. I want so much to know that my girls are living their lives for the Lord and I know that two of them may actually be falling away. One is very involved with the Church ... but her attitude is so bad sometimes. The other ... she is more interested in friends and boys. She has never been baptized and doesn't seem to want to be. I want so much for her. I just keep praying for God to draw her near to Him.
It is all so hard to explain. I just feel like I am running out of time and there are things I should have gotten done and I need to get done before ... I don't know. I just want to be ready whatever it is. I want everyone I love to be ready. I want those that I care about to be ready. I want perfect strangers to be ready. It is a most intense feeling and I know it makes me sound a bit nuts ... but it is how I am feeling and have been feeling for a bit. This is just the first time I have put it into words.





