Real? Or Not Real?

I started having symptoms of the disease back in 1997. I did not know what was wrong with me. All I knew was that suddenly, I was tired. Bone tired. I went from being a hyper person who kept her house spotless to someone who barely functioned some days. Insomnia set in and so did these severe headaches. I went to the doctor and they said I was just stressed. I was pregnant with my third child and they said it was just taking more out of me than normal.

In 1998, I suffered from serious post-partum depression. Severe. It was horrible. It was so bad that my best friend and my daughter's father had to step in and intervene. I went to the doctor and they found out that my hormones were out of whack. I was put on an anti-depressant and it turned it around. I was back to normal within a few months. Except ... the fatigue, insomnia, and headaches did not go away. I was functioning and I felt normal ... I just couldn't get past those three issues.

Then the real pain started. First, it was just in my left leg. Sharp, intense pain that would hit in my hip and buttock. Later, it would spread down my leg to the back of my knee. Even later ... it attacked my foot and my foot would either go flat or my toes would curl upward. Next, it was in my right leg as well as my left. I went to the doctor on numerous occassions and was told it was sciatic nerve pain.

I started having bouts of pain. I would hurt for a few days ... then I wouldn't. I developed irritable bowel. My pain was spreading. My right arm would hurt ... then my left. Then it was my shoulders. My face would even hurt! I went back to the doctor and was told that I was depressed ... but I wasn't. I wasn't depressed at all. I just wanted to know why I was hurting and why it was spreading.

I went to the doctor and I went to the doctor. I was told I had arthritis. I had depression. I was even told it was all in my head. I remember sitting there in the doctor's office crying. I felt like I was being treated like some hypochondriac or junkie just looking for a fix. I didn't want pain pills. I didn't want attention. All I wanted for someone to figure out what was causing all this and then make it stop!

They bandied around Fibromyalgia a few times, but it never stuck. One doctor would say I had it ... another would say something different. I just got tired of it.

I gave up at that point. I figured I would never know what was wrong and I just resolved myself to fight through it and not let it get me down. Then I couldn't move my right wrist anymore. They sent me to physical therapy saying I had tendonitis. My therapist, after a few sessions, said she did not believe I had tendonitis, but that I seemed to have gout. So, they tested me for that. In the end, I was tested for gout, MS, lupus, and a number of other diseases.

What they found was that my c-reactive proteins were through the roof. What was interesting is they overlooked it. So ... there I was ... sitting on the balcony at church one day and I started praying. I told God that I wanted to be healed, but that I wasn't going to ask to be healed. I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. That is all I wanted to know. He didn't have to take it away. I just wanted to know.

A month after I was told my blood tests were fine, three days after that prayer ... my doctor's nurse called and said they were reviewing my blood work and that I needed to come back in. I had inflammation that showed up in my blood work and they needed to retest me. I went in and they found that my c-reactive proteins were still high.

Then I went into a bad flare. I could barely walk! I went to the doctor. I wanted her to see me like that. I wanted her to see how stiff I was ... how much pain I was in. I wanted her to look me in my face and tell me it was all in my head or that I was just depressed. She didn't. After examining me, she set me up to see a Rheumatologist.

I had to do a two week symptom journal and send him my medical records for the last ten years before he would even see me. After reviewing all my records, he examined me. Then he told my husband and me that I had Fibromyalgia, but he wanted to do some x-rays and some more blood work to rule out a few other possible conditions ... like Rheumatoid Arthritis. I do have some pre-cursor stuff for Rheumatoid Arthritis that showed up in my hand x-ray ... but, other than that ... my bones are fine. Nothing showed up in my back or feet.

Now, I have to see my Rheumatologist every six weeks. I take a muscle relaxer and an anti-inflammatory to deal with the FM. I don't take any pain med that is not over-the-counter. Most of the time, I don't want narcotics. When the pain gets too much ... I read my Bible, I pray, I meditate, I take a hot bath. I try to take my mind off the pain as much as I can. Sometimes that is impossible. Those are the days I really suffer.

But, what gets my goat the most about that article is that it dismisses my pain. It dismisses everyone who suffers from Fibromyalgia. I have inflammation in my body that can be measured. That inflammation causes me horrible pain at times. My flares can be as mild as a bad flu or so painful I can't get out of bed because I can't walk. And, that is not just my story ... that is the story of thousands of people who suffer from Fibromyalgia.