Last night, LM and I got to talking about how life was when we were kids compared to how life is now. We had been watching the news, listening to who killed who, and stuff. I find stuff like that incredibly sad. It bothers me, deep within me, to hear how messed up our world is and how screwed up some people are.
It reminded me of a blog entry I read somewhere. I don't remember who wrote it, but the gist was that the Christian Right was nostalgic for a time that did not really exist and that was one of the reasons why they focused so much on moral issues. Well, I am not a member of the Christian Right ... but, I am definitely nostalgic for my childhood days.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want black people, gays, or women to have to deal with injustice or people trampling on their civil rights. But, somewhere, things changed from not bad to bad. At least, here in rural America.
I miss the days where kids could play outside with a slim chance of someone kidnapping them or hurting them. When I was little, you rarely ever heard of such things and when you did ... it happened in some big city. When I was a kid, we went out the door in the morning and didn't come in until supper. No one watched us. No one thought they needed to. Now, I am afraid to let my kids go outside and play without me watching them. Someone could kidnap them, molest them, some kid or an adult could assault them, etc.
I miss how people were when I was little. Parents actually expected their children to be respectful to adults and to authority. When the principal called your parents ... you knew you were going to get it. You were going to get your butt whooped at school and then when you came home. No one called it abuse. Rarely did a teacher or principal get cussed out for trying to make you act right, because they expected you to be responsible for your homework and talk to your teachers like you had some sense.
That isn't the case anymore, at least not most of the time. I get more disrespectful comments from kids than I do adults. If you bother to take it to the parents, there is a good chance you are going to get cussed out because you dared say anything bad about their child. I had a ten year old girl a few months ago try to cuss me out because I told her she could not come in my yard to fight another child. Teachers are now the bad guys ... because of a few bad apples ... and principals deal with unruly children and adults on a daily basis.
When I was little, it was no big deal that the 10 Commandments hung on the wall of my classroom, that there was a moment of prayer in the morning, and we stood up to say the Pledge of Allegiance. Even when I was in middle school and a few kids said they didn't want to pray or say the pledge ... it still wasn't a big deal. Morning prayer became a moment of silence for them and when the pledge was said, they stood up with the rest of us ... they just didn't put their hands on their hearts and say the pledge. No one got mad. No one made them do it.
Now ... my kids don't get even a moment of silence. The 10 Commandments have been taken down. And, people are fighting to take the word "God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance. It makes me wonder.
These days, I have to fight to teach my kids manners and have them do chores. They don't understand why I expect them to call their elders "sir" and "ma'am" or work around the house when their friends don't have to. I have to fight to keep them innocent. They have friends who roam the streets without parental supervision and my oldest child, who is only 11 years old, has friends who are sexually active. At her age, I didn't even know any sexually active kids! And, she wonders why I am so overprotective.
My kids are missing out on some wonderful things, in my opinion. They don't get to be kids ... not like I got to be a kid. No, their senses are attacked daily with mixed messages. They are taught at school that if I spank them that I am abusing them. They are taught that they don't have to listen to authority. They are bombarded with messages about sex from magazines, TV, movies, and the internet. Even commercials are sexual now.
We wanted our children to be educated about sex and to make responsible decisions about it ... then we threw sex at them through every media source available making it look like the funnest thing in the world. Now we are trying to stop them from having sex. It is like taking a new toy from a child. They aren't having it. And, no amount of abstinence education means anything when all they see and hear about is sex, sex, and more sex. It is one thing to deal with the issue realistically and know that hiding sex from kids does not prevent them from experimenting with it ... but, making it the greatest thing next to PS2 isn't the way either.
A lot of good-hearted people got really concerned about child welfare and abuse ... so they decided that spanking a child was a crime. We don't want other people spanking our kids, even though most of us grew up with the school spanking us, our relatives spanking us, and our parents spanking us. It didn't kill us and it sure didn't hurt us. But, we don't want our kids to learn right from wrong and that there are consequences to their actions. And, then we wonder why they are out of control. And, those same people decided to change the law and make spanking legal again ... but, schools are still afraid to discipline children, an uncle who spanks his nephew can be jailed, and if you smack your child for calling you a "b*tch" you will still go to jail. Too late, folks ... we already screwed that pooch and hung it out to dry.
Those same good-hearted people decided that people could not live without running water or electricity and have children. That made them unfit and Social Services would need to come and take their children away. My husband grew up in a house with no electricity or running water. He walked a mile everyday to get water and bring it home. His mother used kerosene and candles to light and heat the house. None of her kids feel they were mistreated because they had to walk for water or build a fire in the stove to cook. Yet, his mother would be unfit by today's standards, even though all of her children were clean, had homecooked meals, and were sent to school.
And, of course, if we complain about how messed up things are now ... we always get those people who say that it is better now than it was then. They say we are looking at the past with rose colored glasses. They also think that we want to do away with the good progress that has been made. That isn't true. It is better now in some ways, but in many ways it is worse. I am not wearing rose colored glasses. I know what is real and what is not. I know what it was like back then and how it is now. I also don't want to do away with the good.
Somewhere in all the progress we've made ... we have lost a lot of good. And, our society is suffering for it. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child and our village is failing. Everyone is so self-centered. It is always about them as individuals, never us as a whole. No one wants to be a role model, set a good example, or think about anyone but themselves and their own interests. If they do ... it is usually because it serves them to.
This morning, my radio woke me with this song and it started my day off thinking about this stuff. I understand this song. I feel it. So enjoy and I will holla at y'all later.
Tim McGraw
Back When
Don't you remember
The fizz in a pepper
Peanuts in a bottle
At ten, two and four
A fried bologna sandwich
With mayo and tomato
Sittin' round the table
Don't happen much anymore
We got too complicated
It's all way over-rated
I like the old and out-dated
Way of life
Back when a ho was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when
I love my records
Black, shiny vinyl
Clicks and pops
And white noise
Man they sounded fine
I had my favorite stations
The ones that played them all
Country, soul and rock-and-roll
What happened to those times?
I'm readin' Street Slang For Dummies
Cause they put pop in my country
I want more for my money
The way it was back then
Back when a ho was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when
Give me a flat top for strumming
I want the whole world to be humming
Just keep it coming
The way it was back then
Back when a ho was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when
I honestly don't think I could ever say it better myself. Amen to that. Everything you said I agreed with 100%!!!
I agree completely, Amen Sistah!!!
I had been thinking about doing a similar post a while back...it bothers me greatly that they took prayer and the 10 commandments out of school, and then wonder why kids are bringing guns to school and killing other students.
I wish things were like it was back then. I know what you mean about the struggle to teach your kids respect, right from wrong, etc...the media has a part in all of what you were talking about...what if nudity wouldn't have ever been on tv...what if no cussing was allowed on tv, what if no violence was on tv???...I know all of us enjoy some of the above, but think of how much easier it would be to teach our kids right, if they didn't have to see that crap.
This has inspired me...I am going to restrict my kids watching tv to an hour a day, and only family type "wholesome" shows....it's sad that even some cartoons have sex, violence, and cussing these days.
I'm going to disagree with you on some of this, but you probably already knew that. ;> I've always held the belief that the misbehavior of children is a reflection on the job that their parent(s) have done in raising them. Politeness, manners, and respect all start at home. I don't believe that having the Ten Commandments hung on the classroom wall will change any of these, and maybe this is selfish of me, but I wouldn't like to see them there because I don't think it's the job of our taxpayer funded educational system to enforce religion on children. As for sex and violence in the media, other counties have this, too. In Britain, you can see full frontal nudity and people having sex on public television, but their society doesn't seem to have the same problems that plague ours. So I can't buy the argument that our individualism and selfishness is a major factor. Maybe I'm just selfish because I want to live life the way I want to and I don't think I should constantly be looked upon as a role model, but so be it. I believe this to be my right, and I shouldn't have to change myself just because parents are unable to keep control of their children.
One thing I do agree with you on is how children now lack responsibility; honestly, I think this is a relfection of our society as a whole. We live in times where nobody wants to take responsibility for their actions. Not to get political, but look at the current role models we have in the government. During the second debate, our president was asked if he regretted any of the decisions he's made in the past 4 years, and he basically said no. He refused to recognize the fact that he has to take responsibility for whatever mistakes he makes, and he honestly believes that he hasn't made a single one. Look at Rush Limbaugh, who was outed as a drug addict. Did anyone on the right ask him to take responsibility? Nope. And what happened when Michael Savage got fired from MSNBC for telling a gay caller to "get AIDS and die?" He, and the right, claimed that MSNBC censored him and the Liberals somehow setup this big conspiracy to topple him. Bill O'Reilly masturbates while sexually harassing a former No Spin Zone producer over the phone, and he settles out of court.. The list is endless. Some may retort, "Bill Clinton! Blowjob! He ruined our nation!" But that ignores the other side of the story: We didn't have to know about Clinton's sex life. But since Republicans threw $52 million at investigating him and they could only dig up details about his private sex life, they decided to use it in their quest to knock him out of office. This makes our "moral values" Right some of the biggest public pornography peddlers in history.
It's not just the fact that the people governing us, who should serve as our role models, don't take responsibility. Whenever something goes wrong, their time honored tactic is to lay the blame game.
So it is really any surprise that parents are doing the same thing? I've heard countless stories about adults trying to tell a parent that their child did something bad and how that parent has flipped out on them. "My child could never do that! You're lying!," yadda yadda yadda. They refuse to take responsibility for their child's actions, hence their own actions, and those are exactly the values that their children are learning at home. Do whatever you want because you won't get in trouble, and if you do, then we'll defend you no matter what. With this attitude, when children get in trouble at school, should we really be surprised when they aren't punished? The school may try punishing them, but when they dn't have reinforcement from the parents at home, then the school can do everything in their power, but it would all be for naught. When a parent berates a teacher for daring to discipline their childm then those are the negative values that child learns.
I don't even think it's a matter of whether or not children should be spanked, and it's not the removal of religion from schools. It's responsbility and that starts and ends at home.
Angel,
I totally agree with you. My hubby and I are actually moving further out into the mountains for our child(ren)'s sake more than ours.
Also my husband is a high school teacher and I can't believe some of the stories that he tells me about kids. Kids cussing at and threatening the principal and only getting a finger shake!
My husband has kids say "F*ck you" to him on a daily basis.....You can send them to the office but they don't punish them so why not do it again?
I also agree on the "It takes a village" thing. We are all alone in this society. I realized that fact after I had a kid.
I could go on for hours....Good topic, Angel!
For what it's worth: I'm one of those right-wing religious nuts who voted for Bush that you're ready to go medieval on...and this post made perfect sense to me (especially since my wife teaches middle school. I recognize much in this post.)
Today is not as bad as it seems, and yesterday was not as good as we remember. Yet that does not mean that no good things have been lost, nor that the "advances" of tomorrow come without a cost.
Tas, while I agree with you on a lot of this ... I also disagree with you on some of it too. :)
I don't think the 10 Commandments keep children from acting bad. I do believe that taking away such things does not help either. It is also a subject that makes me mad because it is one of the incidences I see where other people decided that something was bad just because they don't like it.
It hurts no one for the 10 Commandments to be on a wall. Or God to be in the Pledge. Or in our motto. It didn't hurt people that some parents spanked their kids. Yet, people decide all the time what they don't "like" and then decide that because they don't like something ... even though it HARMS no one that it should be stopped.
Regarding Europe, there is a main issue of culture. If you grow up with something that is seen daily and not thought much of ... you aren't going to be likely impacted by it or think much of it either. In America, that is not the case. And, it is too late now to try and emulate Europe without generations being impacted.
Also, there really hasn't been a good study on Europe either. If you study the culture from an anthropological perspective, then you study the culture based on it's own mores. But, if you study it on a sociological basis and compare it to America, then you also have to judge it based on the mores of America. We really haven't seen that happen yet.
Jessa, Rae, Sis, Ella, and Slarrow ... thanks for the comments. :) I appreciate them.